Monday, April 9, 2012

Imperfections are beautiful too

When the weight of the world seems to be crumbling around you, even the smallest task can become overwhelming. This has been the story of my life for the past few weeks.

As much as I wanted to be perfect, like this rose with each petal meticulously forming around the other, I just couldn't do it. Finding perfection and beauty in anything was damn near impossible.

I was depressed and couldn't snap out of it.

I did my best to put on happy face and pretend that everything was OK - but inside I knew that it wasn't.

Inside, I was screaming for someone to make the pain go away. To make the imperfections I was feeling go away.

I was tired, no exhausted. Mentally and physically exhausted. My world seemed to be spiraling out of control and the only thing I could control was how I treated myself.

I could be hard on myself and notice every single flaw. Every single petal that was not quite right. Like this pink rose with petals falling off, I was flawed.

I have gained weight and that upset me. How did I cope with this? By eating more of course. Then I could turn around and be mad at myself for eating. This I could control.

I'm not happy with my home. The clutter and chaos has taken over.

How did I cope with this?

By telling my son that he needed to pick up after himself and stop leaving things all over the place. Seriously? He is 8 years old. Did he let the mail pile up on the kitchen counter, or leave dishes in the sink for two days? No. But telling someone else to fix it somehow made me feel in control.

However, I would be mad at myself within minutes. Then the vicious cycle would repeat itself.

I had to figure out a way to make it all stop. A way to make it OK to have imperfections.

I'm 41 years old - I will be 42 in exactly two months. It is OK to not be a size 6 - I am quite happy with a size 8 and I will get out of the double digits in my own time. I work full-time and am doing my best to raise a child by myself. My home does need to be perfect, it is OK for a house to look lived in. Why is it OK for me to have a pile papers on the counter, but not OK for my child to have toys on the floor?

Like this peach rose with a few petals out of place, but still a beautiful rose, I can modify and adjust. I can be OK and I will snap out of this depression. By accepting and embracing the imperfections, I have become a happier person.

I have started to remove the negativity in my life.

Those people that get under your skin with posts and tweets about how perfect their life is, the ones that you know have imperfections too, the ones that need to boast and brag about what they have ... remove them.
Remove them from your feed.

I did and I am OK with that. Because I know who I am and I don't need to pretend to be anyone but myself.

I truly believe things happen for a reason and why I chose to take pictures of these three, very different roses yesterday, did not become clear until today. I was drawn to these roses because each one represented a part of my life. Today I choose the peach rose.


  1. Here's hoping you embrace what sounds like a wonderful epiphany. You are A-OK just the way you are! Enjoy your LIFE!!!