Thursday, September 15, 2011

Mom Guilt

I have heard that the secret to a happy marriage is never go to bed angry. This may be true.

However, today I learned something even more important. Never leave the house angry in the morning.

Today had to be one of the worst days ever as a Mom. I was having a bad morning and I was running late for work. Rather than stay calm, I proceeded to take out my frustrations on my son. He wasn't tying his shoes fast enough, his lunch wasn't ready, his homework wasn't in his backpack.

I was yelling at my son and it was only 7:15 a.m. What was wrong with me? He's only 8 years old. I am the adult and I need to be responsible for us leaving the house on time. Sure, some unexpected things happened that I could not control ... but was he at fault? No.

I believe that you should always say you're sorry ... and  I always say 'I Love You' when I drop him off at Grandma's house each morning. Today I didn't say I'm sorry and by the time I got to work I was a wreck.

The Mom Guilt had set in and there was nothing I could do about it. All I could do was picture his face. Sad. Tears rolling down his cheeks. I began to feel the tears welling up in my own eyes as I sat at my desk. Then slowly down my cheek. Is this what he was feeling as we left the house this morning. This is a terrible feeling.

How could I make my child feel so bad about something he didn't do? The child that I carried in my womb for 9 months. The child that I would give anything up for to make his life better. The child that I would die for.

As hard as it is to be a single parent, it can be just as hard to be a child. Dylan can be so mature for his age sometimes that I forget he is just a child.

When I picked him up today, the first thing I did was tell him I was sorry and gave him the biggest hug. As I squeezed him and repeatedly told him how much I loved him and how sorry I was about this morning, all he could do was say "Mom, I can't breathe" ... he had already put it in the past. Thankfully children are resilient, but that doesn't make yelling at a child ok.

Have you ever had Mom Guilt? How did you deal with it?

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